A Burden to Belonging

luke is my best friend* we grew up together playing in the woods* going to movies* hanging out at each others houses* talking about life issues* laughing about good times* crying about difficult times* if someone messed with luke i had his back and i always knew he had mine* luke and i would get in trouble setting off smoke bombs in front of a neighbors house* ringing the door bell* and then running as fast as we could and hiding just so we could watch the expression on the persons face as they struggled through the smoke to try to find the pranksters would would do such a thing* my grandmother died when i was ten and luke was there by my side the whole time* this was a very difficult point in my life* it was good to have a freind who lifted my spirit*

today though i met luke for the first time ever although we have been friends for over twenty years* luke and i went our seperate ways* i became a teacher* luke became an optomatrist* i gave luke a call and asked if he wanted to get together and hang out maybe hit one of our burger-joint hangouts and he agreed saying he wanted to ask me something* we met* caught up on old times* laughed a bit* and then came the question that i will never forget* would you still be my friend if i told you i was gay* i thought it was one of his ways of poking fun at me* i thought maybe he is playing the devils advocate* could it be that he is really gay* hundreds of questions rushed through my mind* the silence at the table was unprecedented* was he gay when we were kids* was he attracted to me* does being friends with someone who is gay make me gay* what would others think about me now that my best friend is gay* in a moment whether right or wrong i felt the burdon of the world had just been laid on my shoulders*

several weeks went by and i had not spoken to luke* i needed time to think* i needed time to cope* i had questions in my mind* i needed to understand this thing fully before i could answer his question* during this time two senarios played through my head that went a little like this --

senario one* i would avoid luke and just go on with my life* not have anything to do with him anymore* after all I could find a new bestfriend couldn't i* i would not tell him i had a problem with him being gay* i would just slowly slip away* ignore his calls* avoid his emails* maybe he would forget me over time and get the point on his own* this seemed easy for me* that way i would never have to confront him* i would not have to struggle with my disagreeing with his choices* i would save myself the embarassment of being in public with a known homosexual*

senario two* but then i thought about how luke was there by my side through the most difficult time in my life when my grandmother had died* i realized that there was a reason that we had been bestfriends for so long and shared so much laughter and so many tears* i also understood that what luke shared with me was probably as difficult for him to share as it was for me to hear but he had been open and up front with me* i thought about some of my imperfections how i had struggled with lust for women* about lies i had told to teachers and to my parents growning up* i realized that maybe there were some things about me that were not so perfect and that maybe i needed to be honest with myself about* it was going to be difficult -- but that is the gift of life that we will struggle and we will walk with others in their journey as they walk with us in ours*

each day more and more people admit to struggling with homosexual tendancies* our culture is emersed in a battle between what of this is right and what of this is wrong* and while i might not condone the act of homosexuality just as i would not agree with looking at porn or high consumption of alchol or even the use of illegal drugs i thought of a quote i heard many years ago that people need a place to belong before they need something to believe* luke needed a place to belong*

it was an afternoon two weeks later when i picked up the phone and gave luke a call* i shared with him my appologies for the distance i had put between us* he shared his understanding* this was the first of many calls to follow*

Jetsons Meet the Finstones

i literally felt my blood pressure rising as i saw her slowly, but willfully pull out in front of me* it would have been different if she had planned on speeding up or turning soon -- but for a long journey i was forced to drive behind an old lady going only seven miles an hour in a thirty-five mile an hour zone* it is not that i was already speeding or anything, but i had places to go and things to do and to me time meant the world*

that is when it hit me like a mac truck coming one hundred miles an hour at my face* to me time meant everything -- but to this older citizen of our small town time was everything*

michael held the hand of his father while he watched the man who raised him slowly fading away in a hospital bed* michael's father had always been there for him throughout his life -- the little league baseball games -- the high school football games -- his graduation from west point military academy -- and the wedding of the love of his life* dad had left him the family business to run, but beyond all the times that michael turned away his father's help and fought for his independence -- "just let me do it on my own" -- michael felt needy and helpless now more than ever before* how would he ever fill his father's shoes*

one said, "he'll change everything"* someone else stated, "what were they thinking bringing him in here?"* still another explained, "he's just a baby"* the new company ceo was only 34 when he was brought on to the multibillion dollar industry* the company needed a fresh need look on their product and the young man came highly recommended and exceptionally qualified for the position* too bad no one else felt that way* leading men and women twice his age and with double the number of years experience was a difficult task -- but the new ceo was up to the challenge and ready to empower all those serving with him*

what happens when two cultures collide -- when young meet old and old meet young* young men and women today struggle respecting those who preceded them in life* due to the internet age the young now days have access to far more knowledge and information than older citizens so why should they respect ignorant elders who really don't know that much* everything an older man or woman has he or she worked for -- respect in this world didn't come easy to us so why should we give it away to some little bratty kid*

i wonder what the jestsons and flinstones would have done if they had met each other in another time and another place* could there be a mutual agreement between fred and george* could they share in each other's values* i think that's the key -- understanding and sharing the values of different cultures -- whether it is a matter of time -- dependence -- importance -- or anything else - we want what matters to us to matter to someone else --therefore we must respect (not so much agree or accept) but respect another culture's worth*

Smile Emo Kids

when asked why he did it the youth simply stated "because i felt like it!" * feelings * emotions * desires * questioning a young girl today, i asked, "what do you like to do when you're not in school?" "it depends," she said "it depends on whatever i feel like doing at that moment." * feelings in the moment* one boy stated, "i feel sometimes that i really like girls, at other times i wonder if i'm gay." *wondering about what to feel* typical to a young culture today is the emo revolution -- some say it has played through its season -- dead? i would say hardly* alive and maturing is this movement of emotional feelers*

in hobbies young people move from activity to activity barely spending enough time to develop a liking for one thing* "i didn't feel it was the right thing for me"* socially they fight and make up, fight and makeup, fight and... "they didn't respect my feelings"* they don't allow role models to speak correction and guidance into their lives because they choose someone who is distant (i.e. Poe, Manson, Kant, a dead grand, etc) *"they understand what I am going through - not my parents" most emo kids will hold at least five different jobs before finding the right one, and even when they find that one it will be a tough fit* "i feel this is the one...but maybe not" *constant change * differing expressions* making it through today*

it's not healthy for those in authority to ignore, overlook, turnaway, or criticize this unique culture in our generation* i hear "oh, this behavior is just a phase - it's not real - it will pass." "Why don't you grow up and act like a normal human being?" * i respond to this: maybe it is a phase, maybe emo's will grow out of this pattern of behavior -- maybe they won't * emo kids have a place* they have a purpose in our society -- reaching emo kids takes a little extra effort* connecting with them simply requires innovation and creativity:

*Commitment* Emo kids are eclectic and sometime ecentric* commitment is learned through patient guidance and positive feedback recognizing effectiveness of effort -- recognize success -- accept feelings toward the activity --

*Healthy mentoring* Emo kids will "listen" to us if we "listen" to them. Acceptance is an exchange. Authorities must realize that prioritizing the battles they fight for these kids is of crucial importance -- don't embrace bad choices BUT DO (and show) love (to) the kid --

*Invest in emotions* discuss* encourage* spend time [crucial]* speak into emotions --

meet emo kids where they are* understand their differences* make the effort to reach and teach* what a great assest to our future society -- how will you determine how they will use what they have to offer?