Sunday, July 31, 2011

A Shine of Light

sean builds his houses in the finest neighborhoods * he has been a contractor now for twenty years * in that time he has earned the reputation that has skyrocketed his career * he builds to perfection * he has the unique ability to capture the heart of his clients through the work of his hands* building is seans escape * it is his wilderness * a place where he is the master of his destiny * but beyond his talent * beyond his gifting * beyond his creating is reality * sean often thinks to himself * if only i could stay in this moment forever * but life outside his sanctuary of peace always continues * he at some point * at some time * faces some of his most challenging endeavors * the times he is not doing what he is passionate and gifted at doing*

jeff i read the words on your pages and was inspired by what you had to share * favor * i have always had it * talent * it was my strength too * the ability to succeed at everything i put my hands to * we are alike in so much more than you could ever imagine * but there is something i do not understand * how is it then that i struggle with such insecurity * time after time it has been verified that i am doing everything right * but i do not buy into it * year after year i make the comment that if i died today i would be completely satisfied * but why are there times i am so dissatisfied with who i am and what i have done * i speak in front of people who give me accolades and compliments * but i want to hang my head and slide into the shadows * if everything is perfect * and may i admit it always is * it is still never good enough for me * this is the realm of my insecurity *

i will not ever come to you for religious advise * but i want you to know that i appreciate you speaking to me man to man * i reflected upon the words of my friend for days on end * i had been trying to help him for some time now but he seemed not to respond at all to me * i was not trying to be his parent * i was not trying to be his counselor * i was not even trying to be his pastor * i just wanted him to know i cared * but for weeks i got nothing * the cold shoulder * an arrogant remark * avoidance * and a show of no interest of what i was trying to do or be * i just wanted to be there * and i wanted to express my care and concern * and nothing in response * but now * that statement * powerful * moving * life giving * important * just a few characteristics for such a simple expression * it confirmed all i had hoped and desired in my heart * it did matter *

there are often ghosts at night in our rooms that we battle time and time again * this is the limit of our perfection * however secure we may become at the reality that our room is safe * there are always those times that the lights are dimmed and the shadows that lurk in the dark become our reality * it is not the fact that the ghosts are there and that they haunt our dreams that we struggle with the most * it is the fear of not knowing how to deal with them or what our response is to be when we feel their presence lurking * our ghosts are similar in that many times they are created by the very one who struggles with them * sean has been haunted for years by the responsibility he has outside what he is passionate at doing * likewise * i have been haunted by the fear of failure * but what is it that confirms within us that the room is safe to rest in * where do we draw our security * maybe if it can not come from within then we need to be looking outside our own rooms * outside our own endeavors * even outside ourselves *
* who will you let in to your darkest places to shine the light on your biggest fears *

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