The Shattered Glass

he had only been at his friends house for a few minutes when he accidentally bumped the the antique glass pitcher and watched it shatter on the floor* devastated the teenager fell to the floor reaching for the pieces as if he could somehow save the valuable heirloom* to late - what was once one of the most treasured belongings his friend's mother owned had become no more than a pile of glass* shattered* destroyed*it was her favorite piece that had been passed down from generations of women starting with her great, great grandmother* now it was nothing but pieces of glass scattered on the floor* after breaking the antique pitcher and staring at the shattered pieces on the floor the boy burst into tears* all he could ask himself is how could this happen* he left that day feeling shame and guilt inside as if his world had ended*

as a man i look back on my childhood* the years in middle school where i was picked on and bullied* many days i came home to an empty house and i would quickly escape to my room and think about ending my life* with self esteem shattered* with confidence in myself shattered* with hope shattered* with a sense of self worth and value shattered* the pieces were scattered and i could not see with my own eyes how they could ever be whole again*

miranda was only seventeen years old* how could it be that at such an early age* an innocent age* that a boy could break her heart* what went wrong* how did it all happen* she could only make sense of some of the details of their breakup since it happened so fast* she felt so used* she felt so dirty* shattered was her dreams of marrying this boy* torn to pieces was her self esteem* broken was her heart which was one so trusting and vulnerable* she looked in the mirror that night and stared into the eyes of a confused and lost woman where once a young innocent girl once looked*

the boy who had broken the antique pitcher returned to his friends house the next day* he had tossed and turned all night with the pain and humiliation of something so dreadful happening to him* now he had to face his friends mom and see the hurt in her eyes* he knocked and entered their house feeling for once like an intruder* like he did not belong* he met his friends mother in the kitchen with his eyes on the floor* tears falling* ashamed of life* she gently lifted his eyes to meet hers and wrapped her arms around him holding him close as she spoke these words ever so softly* i heard what happened to you yesterday* i am sorry that it upset you so badly* can i show you something i made* then she led him into the living room and pulled out a small mosaic filled with all the pieces of glass from the broken picture* you see* although the pitcher was broken and it could never return to its original form* the shattered pieces can be used to make something even more beautiful and valuable that ever before*

the broken pieces of the pitcher became a beautiful mosaic and was restored to a beauty beyond that of what it was before* likewise i became a stronger man more compassionate for those less fortunate than i because i knew what it was to be less fortunate* and the young girl who had her heart shattered can know what true love is because she has experienced the hurt and pain of a shattered relationship*

there is a reflection of hope in the shattered glass that only a trained eye can see* eyes tested by time* focused in faith* persuaded by purpose* may your shattered pieces be restored once again*

The Door: A Story of Choice

michelle knew of a door that had never been opened before* she had seen the door many times but had never even ventured near the door* she witnessed many people coming in and out of the door many times in her life* all of their faces seemed confused and overwhelmed with grief* michelle therefore stayed far away from the door never anticipating that she would open it one day herself*

michelle was a very joyful person with a great outlook on her future* many would consider her a success at what she did* she had everything she ever wanted family* wealth* laughter* content* security* and so much more*
as michelle journeyed through life her path would bring her close to the door* close enough some times that she could reach out and touch it* but she would hesitate remembering her concern for the faces of the people she had seen coming in and out* how she never wanted to look like that* how she so wanted to continue the wonderful life she had just like it was without having to worry what lied behind the door*

but there began to be birthed deep down a thought in her mind if maybe her concern was for no reason* and that the door possibly was not as bad as she thought* i wonder what could exist behind the door she would ponder to herself* is there something i am missing* is there something more that could add greater value to my life* as she thought these things she eased closer and closer to the door* leaning up against it* straining to hear what was behind it* but there was no sound at all* she thought i will just turn the knob ever so gently and peek in* but nothing of any concern* maybe i will open it a little wider to get a better look* and she flung the door open* silence* peacefulness* such a woinderful feeling for michelle to think that her concerns were pointless*

michelle stood with the door open for what seemed like hours* things seemed so wonderful on the other side* but as time passed what was once a great feeling began to get scarier* darkness began to descend on the door* hurt and guilt started to set in* feeling like she did not belong there anymore forced michelle to set back in and close the door* but it did not budge* she pushed and she shoved with all of her might but the door stood its ground against her* out of the shadows came the most frightening thing michelle had ever seen and she screamed to the top of her lungs for help* it got closer and closer and closer until it its shadow enveloped her whole body*

at that point she was deperate and could do nothing but cry and hope for the best* but there at the worst time of her life two friends came to her side and togther all three forced the door closed on the darkness until the door was locked and nothing could get in or out* there michelle sat on the floor feeling overwhelmed with relief and accomplished* her battle was over* she could have never done it alone*

michelle returned to her happiness and went on with her daily routine just as she had before* she grew closer to her friends and they thought back on the experience they shared together that saved her life*but one day michelle thought about the door and wondered if the darkness was till there* she considered opening it, but this time just a crack*




*the door in this story represents a choice that we make each day to endeavor things that are harmful to our lives* to a young adult the door is a choice to venture into a bar and take the first drink of alchohol because he/she is of the drinking age* to single adult it is the visitation to a non-sexual porn site for the first time just to "see" what it is like* for a married man or woman it is the lustful look at someone else in the passing and wishing he/she was with them* for others it is the choice to lie* to cheat* to steal* to murder* etc*

the door is the enteryway to a place that is percieved as wonderful* satisfying* gratifying* full of wonder and amazement* at least until we face the dark consequences of venturing into a place not made for us where we do not belong*

inside the door we get caught up and trapped in the addictions while being battered by the consequences* and by ourselfs we cannot defeat them* it takes the accountabilty of friends to help us remove ourself from the darkness and close the door and ensure that it is locked*

once we have opened the door* seen what was on the other side* and even been delivered from it* the battle to never open the door continues the rest of our life* it is not ok to journey near again* it is not ok to take a peak* it not even ok to listen close or feel the texture of the wood* stay near your friends and never forget what it was like to be in the situation and how hard it was to overcome*

A Burden to Belonging

luke is my best friend* we grew up together playing in the woods* going to movies* hanging out at each others houses* talking about life issues* laughing about good times* crying about difficult times* if someone messed with luke i had his back and i always knew he had mine* luke and i would get in trouble setting off smoke bombs in front of a neighbors house* ringing the door bell* and then running as fast as we could and hiding just so we could watch the expression on the persons face as they struggled through the smoke to try to find the pranksters would would do such a thing* my grandmother died when i was ten and luke was there by my side the whole time* this was a very difficult point in my life* it was good to have a freind who lifted my spirit*

today though i met luke for the first time ever although we have been friends for over twenty years* luke and i went our seperate ways* i became a teacher* luke became an optomatrist* i gave luke a call and asked if he wanted to get together and hang out maybe hit one of our burger-joint hangouts and he agreed saying he wanted to ask me something* we met* caught up on old times* laughed a bit* and then came the question that i will never forget* would you still be my friend if i told you i was gay* i thought it was one of his ways of poking fun at me* i thought maybe he is playing the devils advocate* could it be that he is really gay* hundreds of questions rushed through my mind* the silence at the table was unprecedented* was he gay when we were kids* was he attracted to me* does being friends with someone who is gay make me gay* what would others think about me now that my best friend is gay* in a moment whether right or wrong i felt the burdon of the world had just been laid on my shoulders*

several weeks went by and i had not spoken to luke* i needed time to think* i needed time to cope* i had questions in my mind* i needed to understand this thing fully before i could answer his question* during this time two senarios played through my head that went a little like this --

senario one* i would avoid luke and just go on with my life* not have anything to do with him anymore* after all I could find a new bestfriend couldn't i* i would not tell him i had a problem with him being gay* i would just slowly slip away* ignore his calls* avoid his emails* maybe he would forget me over time and get the point on his own* this seemed easy for me* that way i would never have to confront him* i would not have to struggle with my disagreeing with his choices* i would save myself the embarassment of being in public with a known homosexual*

senario two* but then i thought about how luke was there by my side through the most difficult time in my life when my grandmother had died* i realized that there was a reason that we had been bestfriends for so long and shared so much laughter and so many tears* i also understood that what luke shared with me was probably as difficult for him to share as it was for me to hear but he had been open and up front with me* i thought about some of my imperfections how i had struggled with lust for women* about lies i had told to teachers and to my parents growning up* i realized that maybe there were some things about me that were not so perfect and that maybe i needed to be honest with myself about* it was going to be difficult -- but that is the gift of life that we will struggle and we will walk with others in their journey as they walk with us in ours*

each day more and more people admit to struggling with homosexual tendancies* our culture is emersed in a battle between what of this is right and what of this is wrong* and while i might not condone the act of homosexuality just as i would not agree with looking at porn or high consumption of alchol or even the use of illegal drugs i thought of a quote i heard many years ago that people need a place to belong before they need something to believe* luke needed a place to belong*

it was an afternoon two weeks later when i picked up the phone and gave luke a call* i shared with him my appologies for the distance i had put between us* he shared his understanding* this was the first of many calls to follow*